Live From A Purpose
In this weeks parsha we read “Avrohom was elderly; advanced in days”. This pasuk affords us an opportunity for insight on how Avrohom used each day of his life to best advantage. By extension, we learn how we are to use our own days and how to prepare use for Alom Habaah.
On the one hand, we cannot openly perceive G-dliness in this world. By contrast, in the World to Come, the souls are said to to bask in the radiance of the Divine Presence. Souls do perceive G-dliness. On the other hand, what the souls perceive in heaven is only the radiance of the Divine Presence – not G-d Himeslf.
Nevertheless it is important to realize that Hashems main intent is to have a dwelling place in these lower realms. That is, Hashem created the universe not for the sake of heaven – even though He allows His G-dliness to shine forth there in an open manner, as we have said – but in order that , even in this very lowerst of all worlds where G-dliness seems utterly hidden, He should nonetheless be able to express Himself un restrainedly without reservation or concealment at all as though He were “at home”.
Each and every day, a person has a certain amount of spiritual progress to make. Torah study and mitzvah observance in this world are necessary prerequisites for the soul to achieve its potential for spiritual enlightenment in the World to Come. This is what is meant by the statement that the “days” of this life form “garments” which the soul will need in heaven; each and every day, a person has a certain amount of spiritual progress to make, so that over the course of his or her life, he or she will have fully “clothed” the soul. And that is the allusion of the statement that Abraham was “advanced in days” ; he fully utilized his days to maximum spiritual potential, creating a complete garment for his soul.
Our purpose is to study Torah and perform Mitzvot in this world so that we can actually unite with G-d’s very self. Thus, each world has an advantage in its own way.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word purpose as:
1. the object towards which one strives or for which something exists; an aim or goal.
2. A result or an effect that is intended or desired. An intention…
3. Determination, resolution (from The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language. Third Edition. Houghton Miffline Company, Boston. Mass.)
Having a succinct statement of your overall purpose in life can be a huge help in determining what you want. Your purpose is an umbrella, something that is big enough to include all that you want in life – everything that you want to have, do and be.
An effective purpose statement tells you when goals or behaviors are off track. With your purpose firmly in mind, you can make moment-to-moment choices with clarity and integrity.
In coaching we write one-sentence statements of our purpose in life based on questions like:
· What am I striving for?
· What is the aim or goal of my life?
· What am I deteremined to resolve or achieve in my life?
We run small group sessions to gain more insight and creative input from each other, giving everyone the option of reading their purpose statements out loud.
Are you ready to experiment with living with a purpose, on purpose, moment-to-moment?
Write to Chaya info@coachchaya.com to find out about the informational and group sessions we are now offering.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Lech Lecha
This week Torah portion of Lech Lecha relates how Avraham and his wife Sarah escaped the famine in the land of Canaan and went to Eqypt. Before arriving in Eqypt Avraham says to Sarah “I realize that you are a good looking woman. When the Eqyptians see you, they will say “this is his wife” and kill me, allowing you to live. Please say that you are my sister. They will then be good to me for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.”
We are all left puzzled with how Avraham could have placed Sarah in a position of potential danger, in order for his own life to be saved. More puzzling is Avraham’s ability to think about the benefits he would receive by placing his wife in such jeopardy.
How could Avraham allow Sarah be drawn into a situation where she might possibly become dishonored, for the sake of his benefit?
The Zohar answers this question by stating that Avrohom “did not rely on his own merit but rather on the merit of his wife – that he would acquire wealth in her merit, for one acquires wealth in the merit of one’s wife.”
Spiritually as well, Avrohom’s descent into Egypt for the sake of “spiritual wealth” could only be accomplished in the merit of Sarah. Toward the end she had to descend to Pharaoh’s house.
Since the ultimate intent of the descent into Egypt could only be accomplished in this manner, the Zohar concludes that Avrohom was correct in “relying on Sarah’s merit; in her merit he would not be harmed, nor would any harm befall her.”
In spiritual terms, Avrohom and Sarah are symbolic of soul and body, respectively. That both of them had to descend to Egypt in order to accomplish their spiritual missions in life, teaches us a lesson as well. Only through partnership with the body can the soul reach its supreme elevation.
One of the fascinating concepts to emerge in western psychology is the notion of the sub-conscious. Our conscious self, we are told, is a projected analogue of the deeper self beneath the surface.
The nature of this deeper sub-conscious is little understood, even today. Freud noted that our inner drives derive from deep within and become manifest as the libido drive. Others questioned Freud and claimed different dominant subconscious drives, such as the quest for power and control, or search for self-realization, or a sense of oneness with the Cosmos, or manifestation of the collective unconsciousness.
Nevertheless, vagueness and speculation are the hallmarks of most western systems seeking the key to understanding our deeper selves.
When a man and woman unite in marriage, their personal union draws its power from the cosmic marriage that underlies the whole of existence; the bonding of the divine masculine and feminine energies emerging from the Creator's Infinite Light to generate existence, a world, and life.
Masculine "wisdom" (chochmah) unites with feminine "understanding" (binah), male "holiness" (kedushah) unites with female "immanence" (shechinah), and so on.
The Chassidic teachings of Chabad based on the Kabbalah, albeit ancient in source, are more sophisticated and developed in this respect than are the western teachings. Amongst these is the delineation of the subconscious into two soul-pathways known as Seichel (Mind) and Middot (Emotion). But the common translation of "mind" and "emotion" does not convey their essential meaning in this system. In truth what is meant is that Seichel and Middot are the subconscious antecedents to the overt expression of mind and emotion, and are latent within the Neshama (soul).
The conscious expression of Seichel/Mind is thought, while the conscious expression of Middot/Emotion is speech. This is an interesting notion, that our subconscious "mind" finds its expression in the way we think, and the subconscious "emotions" come into play in the way we speak.
Furthermore, we draw from the subconscious those thoughts that express our individual personality. Likewise, the way we speak is also a signature of our inner character.
What can be learned through the episode with Avraham and Sarah is that developing congruence between Seichel and thought, and between Middot and speech is a mastery skill. Those who are serious about their personal development and fulfillment in relationships will aspire to train and practice in two tasks:
a) To change the subconscious default of their "mind" and "emotions", and,
b) Allow their thoughts and feelings to become their true expressions
What kind of person are you? With what amplitude and frequency do I express this nature?
Try to recall the conversations you had the past few days. Are there any thought patterns and sequence of words that seem to repeat? If so, are you satisfied with this pattern?
Interested in coaching? Write to Chaya, describing your challenge in your life journey: info@coachchaya.com
All emails are protected with complete confidentiality.
We are all left puzzled with how Avraham could have placed Sarah in a position of potential danger, in order for his own life to be saved. More puzzling is Avraham’s ability to think about the benefits he would receive by placing his wife in such jeopardy.
How could Avraham allow Sarah be drawn into a situation where she might possibly become dishonored, for the sake of his benefit?
The Zohar answers this question by stating that Avrohom “did not rely on his own merit but rather on the merit of his wife – that he would acquire wealth in her merit, for one acquires wealth in the merit of one’s wife.”
Spiritually as well, Avrohom’s descent into Egypt for the sake of “spiritual wealth” could only be accomplished in the merit of Sarah. Toward the end she had to descend to Pharaoh’s house.
Since the ultimate intent of the descent into Egypt could only be accomplished in this manner, the Zohar concludes that Avrohom was correct in “relying on Sarah’s merit; in her merit he would not be harmed, nor would any harm befall her.”
In spiritual terms, Avrohom and Sarah are symbolic of soul and body, respectively. That both of them had to descend to Egypt in order to accomplish their spiritual missions in life, teaches us a lesson as well. Only through partnership with the body can the soul reach its supreme elevation.
One of the fascinating concepts to emerge in western psychology is the notion of the sub-conscious. Our conscious self, we are told, is a projected analogue of the deeper self beneath the surface.
The nature of this deeper sub-conscious is little understood, even today. Freud noted that our inner drives derive from deep within and become manifest as the libido drive. Others questioned Freud and claimed different dominant subconscious drives, such as the quest for power and control, or search for self-realization, or a sense of oneness with the Cosmos, or manifestation of the collective unconsciousness.
Nevertheless, vagueness and speculation are the hallmarks of most western systems seeking the key to understanding our deeper selves.
When a man and woman unite in marriage, their personal union draws its power from the cosmic marriage that underlies the whole of existence; the bonding of the divine masculine and feminine energies emerging from the Creator's Infinite Light to generate existence, a world, and life.
Masculine "wisdom" (chochmah) unites with feminine "understanding" (binah), male "holiness" (kedushah) unites with female "immanence" (shechinah), and so on.
The Chassidic teachings of Chabad based on the Kabbalah, albeit ancient in source, are more sophisticated and developed in this respect than are the western teachings. Amongst these is the delineation of the subconscious into two soul-pathways known as Seichel (Mind) and Middot (Emotion). But the common translation of "mind" and "emotion" does not convey their essential meaning in this system. In truth what is meant is that Seichel and Middot are the subconscious antecedents to the overt expression of mind and emotion, and are latent within the Neshama (soul).
The conscious expression of Seichel/Mind is thought, while the conscious expression of Middot/Emotion is speech. This is an interesting notion, that our subconscious "mind" finds its expression in the way we think, and the subconscious "emotions" come into play in the way we speak.
Furthermore, we draw from the subconscious those thoughts that express our individual personality. Likewise, the way we speak is also a signature of our inner character.
What can be learned through the episode with Avraham and Sarah is that developing congruence between Seichel and thought, and between Middot and speech is a mastery skill. Those who are serious about their personal development and fulfillment in relationships will aspire to train and practice in two tasks:
a) To change the subconscious default of their "mind" and "emotions", and,
b) Allow their thoughts and feelings to become their true expressions
What kind of person are you? With what amplitude and frequency do I express this nature?
Try to recall the conversations you had the past few days. Are there any thought patterns and sequence of words that seem to repeat? If so, are you satisfied with this pattern?
Interested in coaching? Write to Chaya, describing your challenge in your life journey: info@coachchaya.com
All emails are protected with complete confidentiality.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Clear Your Clutter
Our life coach helps a reader see all the ways that having too much stuff is boxing her in.
Believe it or not, clutter is a pretty fascinating topic.
If it were just a matter of stocking up at the Container Store and putting better organizing systems in place, that would be one thing. But the truth is there are powerful insights to be had when we learn to see our environment as a reflection of something more than just the accumulation of "too much stuff." A jumble of unfinished projects might reflect a fear of making decisions, for example. But if there's one deeper, universal clutter truth, it's that clutter can prevent us from letting anything new into our lives. If you think of your life as a container with a finite amount of emotional and physical space, you'll start to get the picture.
All of this came to mind when I started working with Orly, a 29-year-old single woman who lives alone in a small apartment outside of LA. "I love my apartment," she said, "but filled with 'organized clutter' -- tschaskes and photos on just about every table, paperwork scattered around, stacks of books -- and my closets are filled with clothes I will never wear." How did this make her feel? "Seeing so much stuff when I come home is overwhelming," she said. "I end up feeling unmotivated to do anything about it, so the clutter just keeps growing."
Our goal was clear: Declutter Orly's home and see what surfaced in the process. So we dove in and worked together over a six-week period using a three-phase plan. For Orly, there were several crucial insights during the process and, a life-changing revelation. See what happened when she started making space.
Getting Started. Given what I've come to learn about clutter, I didn't want Orly to immediately jump in and start clearing up the mess. The initial phase of our plan involved getting her to shift her perspective -- to see her clutter as an ally, a messenger with valuable information.
First I had her answer this question in writing: If my environment were a reflection of what's going on in my life and in my head, what would it be saying?
Part of her answer was very straightforward -- "My home is a reflection of a busy, chaotic life." True enough. She works full-time at a stressful job, she's developing a part-time consulting business and she's the president of a local organization. But as to how her environment reflected what was going on in her head, Orly had a deeper insight: "I think I've been adding things to my life in an effort to fill the emptiness I feel at not expressing my full creative potential." Progress already!
Next Orly took a hard look at some of those things she'd added by rating items in a contained area using these questions: Do I love it? and Do I need it? This helped her start to get a more objective view of what was taking up space.
Now Orly was ready to look at what she did want in her life by answering the question, If eliminating things from my life would make the space for something more important, what would I want? "This part is easy," she said. "I want a more fulfilling job, greater financial security, and five new clients for my practice."
Once Orly had begun to get an objective, clear-eyed view of her clutter, we were ready for phase two -- no, not clearing out, but planning. Specifically, making a plan to prevent future clutter and a plan for moving out existing clutter. It's pretty simple: First, determine where clutter is coming from and shut off the flow.
For Orly, a lot of space was taken over by gift items from family and friends she felt guilty letting go of. To avoid future unwanted gifts, I suggested she ask for gifts she felt were of pleasure to her.
Next, she needed to find a home for categories of items she knew she'd be clearing out but that were too valuable to pitch in the garbage. OIry was quick with a solution - She lined up her local library for books, and gave away here clothing, houseware items and toiletries to a local nonprofit that provides services to the homeless.
Now we were ready to roll on actually clearing space.
Phase three: Most people find that the energy generated during this part propels them forward, but to avoid feeling overwhelmed at the outset, Orly worked in one contained area at a time for 30 minutes a day -- more if she wanted, but no less -- to sort through the clutter.
Armed with trash bags, boxes, and the mantra "When in doubt, throw it out," she went at it, weeding through her stuff with the intention of getting rid of anything she didn't absolutely love or need. One 30-minute session snowballed into two, and suddenly Orly was in the zone, feeling charged up and motivated to get the job done. As her physical space cleared, she began to experience one of the biggest perks of clutter clearing: a feeling of greater emotional and mental space -- a sense of greater ease, of having more time and less stress.
We assessed Orly's progress at the end of our six weeks: awesome. Her apartment now had a spacious living room, an organized office, and a cozy bedroom. But the changes went much deeper. She felt better about herself -- she had more energy, felt more "together," and just felt more enthusiastic about life in general -- which led her to make some calls and a potential new job appeared that would use more of her creative talents and pay her more.
And then there was that full-fledged revelation. During one of our last conversations, she said, "The other night I was sitting on my sofa looking around at the room, and I had this utterly unexpected thought pop into my head: I now have more space and readiness to connect with who I am – and what I want out of life."
Common ObstaclesHere's advice on handling three common obstacles you may encounter while clearing out your clutter.
Procrastination. It's easy to feel overwhelmed by the task at hand. When you find yourself tempted to slip into procrastination mode, try "micromovements," a great idea from Sark, author of "Make Your Creative Dreams Real." These are tiny steps -- five minutes or less -- that will move you toward completing your project. Want to clean out a file drawer? Start with three folders. Anxious about tackling that chaotic cabinet? Focus on one shelf.
Phase 1: Stop, Look, ListenResist your impulse to dive right in; first, take a deeper look at your clutter and listen to what it's telling you. Answer this question in a journal or notebook: If my environment were a reflection of what's going on in my head and in my life, what would it be saying? Write down everything that occurs to you, no matter how crazy it seems. The answers may point you in the direction of positive life changes.
Next, review the items in one small, cluttered area of your home (a desk, a nightstand, a corner in the living room) for 15 minutes. Using a pad of paper, rate each item on a scale from one to three:
- I love it and/or absolutely need it.
- I'm not sure if I love it or need it.
- I don't love it or need it anymore.
This will help you get a more objective perspective on your stuff and give you an idea of what will need to go.
Finally, write a wish list of three new things (possessions, opportunities, or experiences) you'd like to bring into your life using this question as your guide: If eliminating things from my life would make the space for something more important, what would I want? Hang your list near the bathroom mirror so you have a daily reminder of what you want to make space for.
Phase 2: Make a PlanBefore you start cleaning house, you'll need a plan to prevent future clutter and a plan for moving out existing clutter.
First, to eliminate clutter at its source, take a hard look at where it's coming from. If you have a tendency to buy too much, you'll need to rethink those purchases. You might use the following question as a guide: Is this item worthy of taking up precious space in my life? To buy the item, the answer needs to be a resounding "Yes!"
Phase 3: Clear It Out. Now you're ready to act. Choose one area and schedule 30 minutes a day to sort through the stuff. When going through items, keep the mantra "When in doubt, throw it out" at the forefront of your mind. Challenge yourself to keep only the items you absolutely love or need (remember the rating system!).
When you can't decide whether to keep something, ask yourself the "Is this item worthy of taking up precious space in my life?" question. Unless the answer is an absolute "Yes!," let it go.
Believe it or not, clutter is a pretty fascinating topic.
If it were just a matter of stocking up at the Container Store and putting better organizing systems in place, that would be one thing. But the truth is there are powerful insights to be had when we learn to see our environment as a reflection of something more than just the accumulation of "too much stuff." A jumble of unfinished projects might reflect a fear of making decisions, for example. But if there's one deeper, universal clutter truth, it's that clutter can prevent us from letting anything new into our lives. If you think of your life as a container with a finite amount of emotional and physical space, you'll start to get the picture.
All of this came to mind when I started working with Orly, a 29-year-old single woman who lives alone in a small apartment outside of LA. "I love my apartment," she said, "but filled with 'organized clutter' -- tschaskes and photos on just about every table, paperwork scattered around, stacks of books -- and my closets are filled with clothes I will never wear." How did this make her feel? "Seeing so much stuff when I come home is overwhelming," she said. "I end up feeling unmotivated to do anything about it, so the clutter just keeps growing."
Our goal was clear: Declutter Orly's home and see what surfaced in the process. So we dove in and worked together over a six-week period using a three-phase plan. For Orly, there were several crucial insights during the process and, a life-changing revelation. See what happened when she started making space.
Getting Started. Given what I've come to learn about clutter, I didn't want Orly to immediately jump in and start clearing up the mess. The initial phase of our plan involved getting her to shift her perspective -- to see her clutter as an ally, a messenger with valuable information.
First I had her answer this question in writing: If my environment were a reflection of what's going on in my life and in my head, what would it be saying?
Part of her answer was very straightforward -- "My home is a reflection of a busy, chaotic life." True enough. She works full-time at a stressful job, she's developing a part-time consulting business and she's the president of a local organization. But as to how her environment reflected what was going on in her head, Orly had a deeper insight: "I think I've been adding things to my life in an effort to fill the emptiness I feel at not expressing my full creative potential." Progress already!
Next Orly took a hard look at some of those things she'd added by rating items in a contained area using these questions: Do I love it? and Do I need it? This helped her start to get a more objective view of what was taking up space.
Now Orly was ready to look at what she did want in her life by answering the question, If eliminating things from my life would make the space for something more important, what would I want? "This part is easy," she said. "I want a more fulfilling job, greater financial security, and five new clients for my practice."
Once Orly had begun to get an objective, clear-eyed view of her clutter, we were ready for phase two -- no, not clearing out, but planning. Specifically, making a plan to prevent future clutter and a plan for moving out existing clutter. It's pretty simple: First, determine where clutter is coming from and shut off the flow.
For Orly, a lot of space was taken over by gift items from family and friends she felt guilty letting go of. To avoid future unwanted gifts, I suggested she ask for gifts she felt were of pleasure to her.
Next, she needed to find a home for categories of items she knew she'd be clearing out but that were too valuable to pitch in the garbage. OIry was quick with a solution - She lined up her local library for books, and gave away here clothing, houseware items and toiletries to a local nonprofit that provides services to the homeless.
Now we were ready to roll on actually clearing space.
Phase three: Most people find that the energy generated during this part propels them forward, but to avoid feeling overwhelmed at the outset, Orly worked in one contained area at a time for 30 minutes a day -- more if she wanted, but no less -- to sort through the clutter.
Armed with trash bags, boxes, and the mantra "When in doubt, throw it out," she went at it, weeding through her stuff with the intention of getting rid of anything she didn't absolutely love or need. One 30-minute session snowballed into two, and suddenly Orly was in the zone, feeling charged up and motivated to get the job done. As her physical space cleared, she began to experience one of the biggest perks of clutter clearing: a feeling of greater emotional and mental space -- a sense of greater ease, of having more time and less stress.
We assessed Orly's progress at the end of our six weeks: awesome. Her apartment now had a spacious living room, an organized office, and a cozy bedroom. But the changes went much deeper. She felt better about herself -- she had more energy, felt more "together," and just felt more enthusiastic about life in general -- which led her to make some calls and a potential new job appeared that would use more of her creative talents and pay her more.
And then there was that full-fledged revelation. During one of our last conversations, she said, "The other night I was sitting on my sofa looking around at the room, and I had this utterly unexpected thought pop into my head: I now have more space and readiness to connect with who I am – and what I want out of life."
Common ObstaclesHere's advice on handling three common obstacles you may encounter while clearing out your clutter.
Procrastination. It's easy to feel overwhelmed by the task at hand. When you find yourself tempted to slip into procrastination mode, try "micromovements," a great idea from Sark, author of "Make Your Creative Dreams Real." These are tiny steps -- five minutes or less -- that will move you toward completing your project. Want to clean out a file drawer? Start with three folders. Anxious about tackling that chaotic cabinet? Focus on one shelf.
Phase 1: Stop, Look, ListenResist your impulse to dive right in; first, take a deeper look at your clutter and listen to what it's telling you. Answer this question in a journal or notebook: If my environment were a reflection of what's going on in my head and in my life, what would it be saying? Write down everything that occurs to you, no matter how crazy it seems. The answers may point you in the direction of positive life changes.
Next, review the items in one small, cluttered area of your home (a desk, a nightstand, a corner in the living room) for 15 minutes. Using a pad of paper, rate each item on a scale from one to three:
- I love it and/or absolutely need it.
- I'm not sure if I love it or need it.
- I don't love it or need it anymore.
This will help you get a more objective perspective on your stuff and give you an idea of what will need to go.
Finally, write a wish list of three new things (possessions, opportunities, or experiences) you'd like to bring into your life using this question as your guide: If eliminating things from my life would make the space for something more important, what would I want? Hang your list near the bathroom mirror so you have a daily reminder of what you want to make space for.
Phase 2: Make a PlanBefore you start cleaning house, you'll need a plan to prevent future clutter and a plan for moving out existing clutter.
First, to eliminate clutter at its source, take a hard look at where it's coming from. If you have a tendency to buy too much, you'll need to rethink those purchases. You might use the following question as a guide: Is this item worthy of taking up precious space in my life? To buy the item, the answer needs to be a resounding "Yes!"
Phase 3: Clear It Out. Now you're ready to act. Choose one area and schedule 30 minutes a day to sort through the stuff. When going through items, keep the mantra "When in doubt, throw it out" at the forefront of your mind. Challenge yourself to keep only the items you absolutely love or need (remember the rating system!).
When you can't decide whether to keep something, ask yourself the "Is this item worthy of taking up precious space in my life?" question. Unless the answer is an absolute "Yes!," let it go.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
What is your passion?
How do I find my passion?
Through my workshops I have heard a common thread of concern that as adults, we often lose sight of activities that bring us delight in the blur of day-to-day responsibilities. Busy with our schedules and long to-do lists, it is tough for us to experience the rich, soulful emotion of passion -- those moments when we feel inspired, awestruck, brought to tears or utterly moved.
Instead, we go through the motions of life.
What was the last time you sensed this void?
Samantha raised her hand and commented, “it was in my search for meaningful employment that lead me to wonder where my passions lie.”
That’s right!
Passion is a key ingredient in a satisfying job. Its scope extends far beyond work. It's about finding what speaks to your soul, whether it results in a paycheck or not.
Discovering your passion takes a willingness to embark on a treasure hunt of sorts -- a journey of self-revelation. This process can help reveal those things that will bring you back to that state of childhood bliss we see as we watch our children igniting their imaginations, fueling their sensory, heart-centered desires -lost in the moment, thinking of nothing else.
Whether you wind up finding your passion in empowering teens, saving the rain forests, or teaching yoga, your engagement in the activities you love will enhance every aspect of your life.
Four steps in your journey of self-revelation
Stop One: Make Space
The first stop in identifying your passion requires you to make room in your life for the journey. Adding this process to an already full plate won't work. You'll need to become passionate about your self-care, slowing down and creating space in your calendar for inward focus. If you can, leave work at a reasonable hour and limit social engagements for a while. Passion originates in the heart. By focusing on yourself, you'll restore the connection between head and heart, thereby improving your ability to feel -- a necessary ingredient for experiencing your joy.
Stop Two: Explore
Hidden throughout your daily life lie the clues to those ideas, activities, and dreams that matter most to your soul. These exercises will help identify activities that make you feel excited, enthusiastic, or moved. As you go through the process, keep detailed notes of your discoveries in a journal or notebook. Commit to completing one exercise each week. See your reflection in others. Our interactions with others provide us with valuable insight into those things we may feel passionate about. In addition to your circle of friends, families, and coworkers, consider respected authors, teachers, and public officials. What about them do you admire or envy? Are they engaged in something you'd like to be doing? Make a list of five people and, for each one, write down what they're doing that you'd like to do.
Explore. Inside your home you'll find symbols of your passion. Note the stone you saved from a camping trip, or the ceramic pot you made with a dear friend. Schedule some alone time to catalog the treasured keepsakes. Check drawers, the basement, and boxes in the garage. List important items in your journal along with a line about why each is important.
Start looking for clues, beginning with your bookcase. What kind of books are you stocked with? Make a list of your favorite genres and titles.
As you continue the process, pay attention to those activities you do every day, the ones that come naturally without much thought. Remember, sometimes what we love the most lives right under our nose.
Stop Three: Find the Gem
It's time to pull it all together to see what you've learned about yourself. This will prepare you to take steps to express your passion in daily life. Set aside an afternoon to read through your journal entries. You'll find the process quite revealing. Ask yourself: What themes or patterns do I notice? What topics am I consistently drawn to? You might be surprised by what you will find.
Stop Four: Take Action
You can NOW bring your passions to life. Pick one area of interest from your various discoveries above and develop an action plan to explore it further. You may find yourself going back to a long-lost interest you shelved years ago as you got busy with other things. Or your area of passion may bring you to unexplored territory. Don't be afraid to try something new. If this is truly your passion, the risk will be worth it. Remember, it's more important to act now than to plot out a "perfect" course. Perfection doesn't exist when it comes to passion. Just choose one thing that makes you feel special and act on it, whether you think you'll be good at it or not.
The idea is to get started so you can see where this next phase of the journey leads you.
As you begin to express those things that stimulate and inspire you, keep in mind that it doesn't just serve your best interests to engage in passionate activity. Your efforts ultimately affect us all. By living your joy, you bring your greatest self to the world.
Through my workshops I have heard a common thread of concern that as adults, we often lose sight of activities that bring us delight in the blur of day-to-day responsibilities. Busy with our schedules and long to-do lists, it is tough for us to experience the rich, soulful emotion of passion -- those moments when we feel inspired, awestruck, brought to tears or utterly moved.
Instead, we go through the motions of life.
What was the last time you sensed this void?
Samantha raised her hand and commented, “it was in my search for meaningful employment that lead me to wonder where my passions lie.”
That’s right!
Passion is a key ingredient in a satisfying job. Its scope extends far beyond work. It's about finding what speaks to your soul, whether it results in a paycheck or not.
Discovering your passion takes a willingness to embark on a treasure hunt of sorts -- a journey of self-revelation. This process can help reveal those things that will bring you back to that state of childhood bliss we see as we watch our children igniting their imaginations, fueling their sensory, heart-centered desires -lost in the moment, thinking of nothing else.
Whether you wind up finding your passion in empowering teens, saving the rain forests, or teaching yoga, your engagement in the activities you love will enhance every aspect of your life.
Four steps in your journey of self-revelation
Stop One: Make Space
The first stop in identifying your passion requires you to make room in your life for the journey. Adding this process to an already full plate won't work. You'll need to become passionate about your self-care, slowing down and creating space in your calendar for inward focus. If you can, leave work at a reasonable hour and limit social engagements for a while. Passion originates in the heart. By focusing on yourself, you'll restore the connection between head and heart, thereby improving your ability to feel -- a necessary ingredient for experiencing your joy.
Stop Two: Explore
Hidden throughout your daily life lie the clues to those ideas, activities, and dreams that matter most to your soul. These exercises will help identify activities that make you feel excited, enthusiastic, or moved. As you go through the process, keep detailed notes of your discoveries in a journal or notebook. Commit to completing one exercise each week. See your reflection in others. Our interactions with others provide us with valuable insight into those things we may feel passionate about. In addition to your circle of friends, families, and coworkers, consider respected authors, teachers, and public officials. What about them do you admire or envy? Are they engaged in something you'd like to be doing? Make a list of five people and, for each one, write down what they're doing that you'd like to do.
Explore. Inside your home you'll find symbols of your passion. Note the stone you saved from a camping trip, or the ceramic pot you made with a dear friend. Schedule some alone time to catalog the treasured keepsakes. Check drawers, the basement, and boxes in the garage. List important items in your journal along with a line about why each is important.
Start looking for clues, beginning with your bookcase. What kind of books are you stocked with? Make a list of your favorite genres and titles.
As you continue the process, pay attention to those activities you do every day, the ones that come naturally without much thought. Remember, sometimes what we love the most lives right under our nose.
Stop Three: Find the Gem
It's time to pull it all together to see what you've learned about yourself. This will prepare you to take steps to express your passion in daily life. Set aside an afternoon to read through your journal entries. You'll find the process quite revealing. Ask yourself: What themes or patterns do I notice? What topics am I consistently drawn to? You might be surprised by what you will find.
Stop Four: Take Action
You can NOW bring your passions to life. Pick one area of interest from your various discoveries above and develop an action plan to explore it further. You may find yourself going back to a long-lost interest you shelved years ago as you got busy with other things. Or your area of passion may bring you to unexplored territory. Don't be afraid to try something new. If this is truly your passion, the risk will be worth it. Remember, it's more important to act now than to plot out a "perfect" course. Perfection doesn't exist when it comes to passion. Just choose one thing that makes you feel special and act on it, whether you think you'll be good at it or not.
The idea is to get started so you can see where this next phase of the journey leads you.
As you begin to express those things that stimulate and inspire you, keep in mind that it doesn't just serve your best interests to engage in passionate activity. Your efforts ultimately affect us all. By living your joy, you bring your greatest self to the world.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
What is Coaching?
So what is Life Coaching all about?
Everyone loves a definition!
So let’s start with one!
"Coaching is an on-going partnership that helps clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life. Beginning with the clients' desires, coaching uses reporting, exploring, and a consistent commitment to move the client forward. Coaching accelerates the clients' progress by providing greater focus and awareness of choice. Coaching concentrates on where clients are today and what they are willing to do to get where they want to be tomorrow." - International Coach Federation, ICF
Life Coaching is all about helping people get from where they are in their life to where they want to get to.
If everyone is being honest with themselves, I think we could all do with improving an area or two of our lives.
But why don’t people do anything about it?
Everyone knows what to do in life to become more successful but they don’t do what they know.
It is a Life Coach’s job to help people get what they want in life in by breaking down the barriers that people impose on themselves.
The best analogy you can ever use is that of a Personal Fitness Trainer.
When you go to a gym they will first ask you what your goals are:
Lose weight?
Lose fat?
Build muscle?
Build endurance?
Increase stamina?
Etc
They will then see where you are at with regards to your goal.
So for example, if you want to lose body fat they may ask you to take a body fat composition test that will measure your current levels of body fat, you may be asked to take a fitness test, asked what your current eating habits are etc.
After establishing exactly how much you want to lose and over what period of time you want to lose it the trainer will then devise a plan of action of what you must do in order to achieve your fat reduction goals.
Along the way your personal fitness trainer will encourage and motivate you, ask you questions about your motivations and any barriers that you face and will help you.
The end goal of a trainer is to help you achieve your goals a lot quicker and more effectively than if you did it yourself.
A Life Coach does EXACTLY the same as a Personal Trainer but with areas of your life.
This could include:
Confidence and self esteem
Feel good about yourself
Remove the self doubt
Meet new people and feel confident
Speak in front of groups
Career
Know what career is for you
Get a better job
Do your job better
Get a promotion
Start your own business and go it alone
Relationships
Develop listening skills
Work through problems with your partner
How to get through tough times
Build stronger bonds
Communication skills
How to communicate with anyone
How to make small talk with strangers
How to get your point across effectively
Losing weight/health
Improve your health
Reduce stress
Sticking to a healthy eating plan
Sticking to an exercise plan
Dreams and achievements
Set some compelling goals
Work out what you want from life
Provide direction and purpose
Have more fun
Have more energy
Money/Finance
Earn more money
Save more money
Work out and stick to budgets more effectively
Getting what you want in life
Becoming more organized
Getting rid of barriers and negative thinking
Manage your time more effectively
Discover your values in life
Remove the clutter that bogs you down
How to stay focused
The role of a life coach
Rather than actually TELLING someone the answers, a Life Coach is the catalyst for getting a client to find the answers themselves.
By asking challenging and thought provoking questions, a Life Coach can unlock the potential in a client.
Coaching is forward looking and focused on the action you are willing to take to get what you want out of life.
Sometimes you just can’t see the wood for the trees!
You so are wrapped up in everyday life that indeed life just passes you by!
Well, coaching enables you to see different alternatives and to take a step back and actually examine your life and all of it’s component parts.
This in turn leads to greater:
Self-awareness
Focus
Accountability
A Coach Is . . .
Your own personal trainer to enable you to achieve your goals
Your champion during a turnaround.
Your trainer in communication and life skills.
Your sounding board when making choices.
Your motivation when strong actions are called for.
Your unconditional support when you take a hit.
Your mentor in personal development.
Your co-designer when creating an extraordinary project.
Your beacon during stormy times.
Your wake-up call if you don't hear your own.
And most importantly, the professional coach is your partner in helping you have all of what matters most to you.
Everyone loves a definition!
So let’s start with one!
"Coaching is an on-going partnership that helps clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life. Beginning with the clients' desires, coaching uses reporting, exploring, and a consistent commitment to move the client forward. Coaching accelerates the clients' progress by providing greater focus and awareness of choice. Coaching concentrates on where clients are today and what they are willing to do to get where they want to be tomorrow." - International Coach Federation, ICF
Life Coaching is all about helping people get from where they are in their life to where they want to get to.
If everyone is being honest with themselves, I think we could all do with improving an area or two of our lives.
But why don’t people do anything about it?
Everyone knows what to do in life to become more successful but they don’t do what they know.
It is a Life Coach’s job to help people get what they want in life in by breaking down the barriers that people impose on themselves.
The best analogy you can ever use is that of a Personal Fitness Trainer.
When you go to a gym they will first ask you what your goals are:
Lose weight?
Lose fat?
Build muscle?
Build endurance?
Increase stamina?
Etc
They will then see where you are at with regards to your goal.
So for example, if you want to lose body fat they may ask you to take a body fat composition test that will measure your current levels of body fat, you may be asked to take a fitness test, asked what your current eating habits are etc.
After establishing exactly how much you want to lose and over what period of time you want to lose it the trainer will then devise a plan of action of what you must do in order to achieve your fat reduction goals.
Along the way your personal fitness trainer will encourage and motivate you, ask you questions about your motivations and any barriers that you face and will help you.
The end goal of a trainer is to help you achieve your goals a lot quicker and more effectively than if you did it yourself.
A Life Coach does EXACTLY the same as a Personal Trainer but with areas of your life.
This could include:
Confidence and self esteem
Feel good about yourself
Remove the self doubt
Meet new people and feel confident
Speak in front of groups
Career
Know what career is for you
Get a better job
Do your job better
Get a promotion
Start your own business and go it alone
Relationships
Develop listening skills
Work through problems with your partner
How to get through tough times
Build stronger bonds
Communication skills
How to communicate with anyone
How to make small talk with strangers
How to get your point across effectively
Losing weight/health
Improve your health
Reduce stress
Sticking to a healthy eating plan
Sticking to an exercise plan
Dreams and achievements
Set some compelling goals
Work out what you want from life
Provide direction and purpose
Have more fun
Have more energy
Money/Finance
Earn more money
Save more money
Work out and stick to budgets more effectively
Getting what you want in life
Becoming more organized
Getting rid of barriers and negative thinking
Manage your time more effectively
Discover your values in life
Remove the clutter that bogs you down
How to stay focused
The role of a life coach
Rather than actually TELLING someone the answers, a Life Coach is the catalyst for getting a client to find the answers themselves.
By asking challenging and thought provoking questions, a Life Coach can unlock the potential in a client.
Coaching is forward looking and focused on the action you are willing to take to get what you want out of life.
Sometimes you just can’t see the wood for the trees!
You so are wrapped up in everyday life that indeed life just passes you by!
Well, coaching enables you to see different alternatives and to take a step back and actually examine your life and all of it’s component parts.
This in turn leads to greater:
Self-awareness
Focus
Accountability
A Coach Is . . .
Your own personal trainer to enable you to achieve your goals
Your champion during a turnaround.
Your trainer in communication and life skills.
Your sounding board when making choices.
Your motivation when strong actions are called for.
Your unconditional support when you take a hit.
Your mentor in personal development.
Your co-designer when creating an extraordinary project.
Your beacon during stormy times.
Your wake-up call if you don't hear your own.
And most importantly, the professional coach is your partner in helping you have all of what matters most to you.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Every Journey Begins With A Single Step
What things do you put off doing while you look for exactly the right way to start?
Have you ever caught yourself saying something like: I'm going to go on that vacation when the kids get older. I'm going to take that massage therapy course when I have more time. I really want to try photography, but... When I retire, I'm going to buy develop my art skills.
When you catch yourself putting off things you'd really like to do, stop and think: How many friends or relatives do you know that were waiting till..., and never made it?
I wanted to have everything right before I started. I wanted to know what was next. I wanted to miraculously turn on my computer and find the newsletter already there waiting for me. I kept looking for the inspiration to GET STARTED!
Sometimes, we just have to give up needing to know everything before we start. Sometimes, it is the wisest choice NOT to look before we leap. We can get so hung up in looking for the things that may trip us going up the staircase, that we never put our foot on that first tread. Does this ever happen to you?
One way to overcome this "analysis paralysis" is to remind yourself why the goal you want to achieve is so important. Really understand what achieving your goal will do for you.
Many people never live the life they dream of because they are waiting for something that may never happen. Be proactive; take control of your future and your today. If you knew that you had only 6 months left to live, what would you do differently today
Here's a little exercise: Spend ½ an hour writing out as many things as you can think of that you want to do in your life. Be creative; think outside the box, stretch a little. What would you like to do? Be? Learn? Where would you like to go? What do you want to contribute? Who do you want to spend your time with?
Now, which of those things would you absolutely want to do if you did only have 6 months left to live? Which ones would allow you to leave this world with no regrets? Finally, and most importantly, what do you need to do today to grab hold of life and begin to live out some of those dreams?
Have you ever caught yourself saying something like: I'm going to go on that vacation when the kids get older. I'm going to take that massage therapy course when I have more time. I really want to try photography, but... When I retire, I'm going to buy develop my art skills.
When you catch yourself putting off things you'd really like to do, stop and think: How many friends or relatives do you know that were waiting till..., and never made it?
I wanted to have everything right before I started. I wanted to know what was next. I wanted to miraculously turn on my computer and find the newsletter already there waiting for me. I kept looking for the inspiration to GET STARTED!
Sometimes, we just have to give up needing to know everything before we start. Sometimes, it is the wisest choice NOT to look before we leap. We can get so hung up in looking for the things that may trip us going up the staircase, that we never put our foot on that first tread. Does this ever happen to you?
One way to overcome this "analysis paralysis" is to remind yourself why the goal you want to achieve is so important. Really understand what achieving your goal will do for you.
Many people never live the life they dream of because they are waiting for something that may never happen. Be proactive; take control of your future and your today. If you knew that you had only 6 months left to live, what would you do differently today
Here's a little exercise: Spend ½ an hour writing out as many things as you can think of that you want to do in your life. Be creative; think outside the box, stretch a little. What would you like to do? Be? Learn? Where would you like to go? What do you want to contribute? Who do you want to spend your time with?
Now, which of those things would you absolutely want to do if you did only have 6 months left to live? Which ones would allow you to leave this world with no regrets? Finally, and most importantly, what do you need to do today to grab hold of life and begin to live out some of those dreams?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Happiness
Every person has the ability and the inner beauty to develop happiness from within. By tapping into the tools and tips coaching offers you can become an active participant in your life journey.
Have you ever heard yourself start a sentence with these four words?
I'll be happy when I ____.
when I... get the job I want.when I... make a lot of money.when I... lose 20 pounds.
Have you ever watched them get what they want and still find themself unhappy?
Have you seen people spend years trying to get what they want..unsuccessfully?
Ever wonder why?
Perhaps it needs to be looke at differently.
"I'll be confident when I find a significant other."No, no, no! 'You'll find a significant other when you become confident'.
"I'll feel good about myself when I lose weight."Perhaps - 'You'll lose weight when you feel good about yourself'.
Build your confidence first. Change who you are- how you are showing up in the world. Then you will have the relationship you want.
Happiness is not in the job, the money, the weight, the spouse - all that is outside
Happiness is from within
This works on so many levels. To make it a daily habit, find ways to feel the positive feeling first, everything else will come later.
Celebrate everyday life
Look for the benefits in every situation
Create an environment that is energetic and hopeful
Stay calm and cheerful during tough times
Friday, August 1, 2008
Positive Psychology
As an NYU certified life coach I use specific training and skill sets learned in courses and seminars that help uncover personal goals and desires that allow clients to build into a longer term personal development plan. The gift is observing the growth and appreciating the higher levels of productivity and performance that is achieved in all aspect of life including:
- advancement of social and business connections
- releasing inner desires and becoming more self-aware
- learning to act on your dreams to make them a reality
- improving financial position and security
- higher levels of motivation, energy and self-confidence
- achievement of goals
- make stronger relationship connections with friends and loved ones
- increased health benefits and improved peace of mind
Positive thinking is the fuel that drives me and my coaching practice. It is interesting to read key scientific findings:
- lasting motivation requires cognitive processes - thinking
- a solid link between positive affect and motivation
- positive affect influences cognitive processes which drive motivation
- positive affect increases ones own perceptions of expectancy
- daily positive reinforcement is required to transform behavioral changes
- motivation is the fuel that drives internal change and paradigm shifts
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