Our life coach helps a reader see all the ways that having too much stuff is boxing her in.
Believe it or not, clutter is a pretty fascinating topic.
If it were just a matter of stocking up at the Container Store and putting better organizing systems in place, that would be one thing. But the truth is there are powerful insights to be had when we learn to see our environment as a reflection of something more than just the accumulation of "too much stuff." A jumble of unfinished projects might reflect a fear of making decisions, for example. But if there's one deeper, universal clutter truth, it's that clutter can prevent us from letting anything new into our lives. If you think of your life as a container with a finite amount of emotional and physical space, you'll start to get the picture.
All of this came to mind when I started working with Orly, a 29-year-old single woman who lives alone in a small apartment outside of LA. "I love my apartment," she said, "but filled with 'organized clutter' -- tschaskes and photos on just about every table, paperwork scattered around, stacks of books -- and my closets are filled with clothes I will never wear." How did this make her feel? "Seeing so much stuff when I come home is overwhelming," she said. "I end up feeling unmotivated to do anything about it, so the clutter just keeps growing."
Our goal was clear: Declutter Orly's home and see what surfaced in the process. So we dove in and worked together over a six-week period using a three-phase plan. For Orly, there were several crucial insights during the process and, a life-changing revelation. See what happened when she started making space.
Getting Started. Given what I've come to learn about clutter, I didn't want Orly to immediately jump in and start clearing up the mess. The initial phase of our plan involved getting her to shift her perspective -- to see her clutter as an ally, a messenger with valuable information.
First I had her answer this question in writing: If my environment were a reflection of what's going on in my life and in my head, what would it be saying?
Part of her answer was very straightforward -- "My home is a reflection of a busy, chaotic life." True enough. She works full-time at a stressful job, she's developing a part-time consulting business and she's the president of a local organization. But as to how her environment reflected what was going on in her head, Orly had a deeper insight: "I think I've been adding things to my life in an effort to fill the emptiness I feel at not expressing my full creative potential." Progress already!
Next Orly took a hard look at some of those things she'd added by rating items in a contained area using these questions: Do I love it? and Do I need it? This helped her start to get a more objective view of what was taking up space.
Now Orly was ready to look at what she did want in her life by answering the question, If eliminating things from my life would make the space for something more important, what would I want? "This part is easy," she said. "I want a more fulfilling job, greater financial security, and five new clients for my practice."
Once Orly had begun to get an objective, clear-eyed view of her clutter, we were ready for phase two -- no, not clearing out, but planning. Specifically, making a plan to prevent future clutter and a plan for moving out existing clutter. It's pretty simple: First, determine where clutter is coming from and shut off the flow.
For Orly, a lot of space was taken over by gift items from family and friends she felt guilty letting go of. To avoid future unwanted gifts, I suggested she ask for gifts she felt were of pleasure to her.
Next, she needed to find a home for categories of items she knew she'd be clearing out but that were too valuable to pitch in the garbage. OIry was quick with a solution - She lined up her local library for books, and gave away here clothing, houseware items and toiletries to a local nonprofit that provides services to the homeless.
Now we were ready to roll on actually clearing space.
Phase three: Most people find that the energy generated during this part propels them forward, but to avoid feeling overwhelmed at the outset, Orly worked in one contained area at a time for 30 minutes a day -- more if she wanted, but no less -- to sort through the clutter.
Armed with trash bags, boxes, and the mantra "When in doubt, throw it out," she went at it, weeding through her stuff with the intention of getting rid of anything she didn't absolutely love or need. One 30-minute session snowballed into two, and suddenly Orly was in the zone, feeling charged up and motivated to get the job done. As her physical space cleared, she began to experience one of the biggest perks of clutter clearing: a feeling of greater emotional and mental space -- a sense of greater ease, of having more time and less stress.
We assessed Orly's progress at the end of our six weeks: awesome. Her apartment now had a spacious living room, an organized office, and a cozy bedroom. But the changes went much deeper. She felt better about herself -- she had more energy, felt more "together," and just felt more enthusiastic about life in general -- which led her to make some calls and a potential new job appeared that would use more of her creative talents and pay her more.
And then there was that full-fledged revelation. During one of our last conversations, she said, "The other night I was sitting on my sofa looking around at the room, and I had this utterly unexpected thought pop into my head: I now have more space and readiness to connect with who I am – and what I want out of life."
Common ObstaclesHere's advice on handling three common obstacles you may encounter while clearing out your clutter.
Procrastination. It's easy to feel overwhelmed by the task at hand. When you find yourself tempted to slip into procrastination mode, try "micromovements," a great idea from Sark, author of "Make Your Creative Dreams Real." These are tiny steps -- five minutes or less -- that will move you toward completing your project. Want to clean out a file drawer? Start with three folders. Anxious about tackling that chaotic cabinet? Focus on one shelf.
Phase 1: Stop, Look, ListenResist your impulse to dive right in; first, take a deeper look at your clutter and listen to what it's telling you. Answer this question in a journal or notebook: If my environment were a reflection of what's going on in my head and in my life, what would it be saying? Write down everything that occurs to you, no matter how crazy it seems. The answers may point you in the direction of positive life changes.
Next, review the items in one small, cluttered area of your home (a desk, a nightstand, a corner in the living room) for 15 minutes. Using a pad of paper, rate each item on a scale from one to three:
- I love it and/or absolutely need it.
- I'm not sure if I love it or need it.
- I don't love it or need it anymore.
This will help you get a more objective perspective on your stuff and give you an idea of what will need to go.
Finally, write a wish list of three new things (possessions, opportunities, or experiences) you'd like to bring into your life using this question as your guide: If eliminating things from my life would make the space for something more important, what would I want? Hang your list near the bathroom mirror so you have a daily reminder of what you want to make space for.
Phase 2: Make a PlanBefore you start cleaning house, you'll need a plan to prevent future clutter and a plan for moving out existing clutter.
First, to eliminate clutter at its source, take a hard look at where it's coming from. If you have a tendency to buy too much, you'll need to rethink those purchases. You might use the following question as a guide: Is this item worthy of taking up precious space in my life? To buy the item, the answer needs to be a resounding "Yes!"
Phase 3: Clear It Out. Now you're ready to act. Choose one area and schedule 30 minutes a day to sort through the stuff. When going through items, keep the mantra "When in doubt, throw it out" at the forefront of your mind. Challenge yourself to keep only the items you absolutely love or need (remember the rating system!).
When you can't decide whether to keep something, ask yourself the "Is this item worthy of taking up precious space in my life?" question. Unless the answer is an absolute "Yes!," let it go.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
What is your passion?
How do I find my passion?
Through my workshops I have heard a common thread of concern that as adults, we often lose sight of activities that bring us delight in the blur of day-to-day responsibilities. Busy with our schedules and long to-do lists, it is tough for us to experience the rich, soulful emotion of passion -- those moments when we feel inspired, awestruck, brought to tears or utterly moved.
Instead, we go through the motions of life.
What was the last time you sensed this void?
Samantha raised her hand and commented, “it was in my search for meaningful employment that lead me to wonder where my passions lie.”
That’s right!
Passion is a key ingredient in a satisfying job. Its scope extends far beyond work. It's about finding what speaks to your soul, whether it results in a paycheck or not.
Discovering your passion takes a willingness to embark on a treasure hunt of sorts -- a journey of self-revelation. This process can help reveal those things that will bring you back to that state of childhood bliss we see as we watch our children igniting their imaginations, fueling their sensory, heart-centered desires -lost in the moment, thinking of nothing else.
Whether you wind up finding your passion in empowering teens, saving the rain forests, or teaching yoga, your engagement in the activities you love will enhance every aspect of your life.
Four steps in your journey of self-revelation
Stop One: Make Space
The first stop in identifying your passion requires you to make room in your life for the journey. Adding this process to an already full plate won't work. You'll need to become passionate about your self-care, slowing down and creating space in your calendar for inward focus. If you can, leave work at a reasonable hour and limit social engagements for a while. Passion originates in the heart. By focusing on yourself, you'll restore the connection between head and heart, thereby improving your ability to feel -- a necessary ingredient for experiencing your joy.
Stop Two: Explore
Hidden throughout your daily life lie the clues to those ideas, activities, and dreams that matter most to your soul. These exercises will help identify activities that make you feel excited, enthusiastic, or moved. As you go through the process, keep detailed notes of your discoveries in a journal or notebook. Commit to completing one exercise each week. See your reflection in others. Our interactions with others provide us with valuable insight into those things we may feel passionate about. In addition to your circle of friends, families, and coworkers, consider respected authors, teachers, and public officials. What about them do you admire or envy? Are they engaged in something you'd like to be doing? Make a list of five people and, for each one, write down what they're doing that you'd like to do.
Explore. Inside your home you'll find symbols of your passion. Note the stone you saved from a camping trip, or the ceramic pot you made with a dear friend. Schedule some alone time to catalog the treasured keepsakes. Check drawers, the basement, and boxes in the garage. List important items in your journal along with a line about why each is important.
Start looking for clues, beginning with your bookcase. What kind of books are you stocked with? Make a list of your favorite genres and titles.
As you continue the process, pay attention to those activities you do every day, the ones that come naturally without much thought. Remember, sometimes what we love the most lives right under our nose.
Stop Three: Find the Gem
It's time to pull it all together to see what you've learned about yourself. This will prepare you to take steps to express your passion in daily life. Set aside an afternoon to read through your journal entries. You'll find the process quite revealing. Ask yourself: What themes or patterns do I notice? What topics am I consistently drawn to? You might be surprised by what you will find.
Stop Four: Take Action
You can NOW bring your passions to life. Pick one area of interest from your various discoveries above and develop an action plan to explore it further. You may find yourself going back to a long-lost interest you shelved years ago as you got busy with other things. Or your area of passion may bring you to unexplored territory. Don't be afraid to try something new. If this is truly your passion, the risk will be worth it. Remember, it's more important to act now than to plot out a "perfect" course. Perfection doesn't exist when it comes to passion. Just choose one thing that makes you feel special and act on it, whether you think you'll be good at it or not.
The idea is to get started so you can see where this next phase of the journey leads you.
As you begin to express those things that stimulate and inspire you, keep in mind that it doesn't just serve your best interests to engage in passionate activity. Your efforts ultimately affect us all. By living your joy, you bring your greatest self to the world.
Through my workshops I have heard a common thread of concern that as adults, we often lose sight of activities that bring us delight in the blur of day-to-day responsibilities. Busy with our schedules and long to-do lists, it is tough for us to experience the rich, soulful emotion of passion -- those moments when we feel inspired, awestruck, brought to tears or utterly moved.
Instead, we go through the motions of life.
What was the last time you sensed this void?
Samantha raised her hand and commented, “it was in my search for meaningful employment that lead me to wonder where my passions lie.”
That’s right!
Passion is a key ingredient in a satisfying job. Its scope extends far beyond work. It's about finding what speaks to your soul, whether it results in a paycheck or not.
Discovering your passion takes a willingness to embark on a treasure hunt of sorts -- a journey of self-revelation. This process can help reveal those things that will bring you back to that state of childhood bliss we see as we watch our children igniting their imaginations, fueling their sensory, heart-centered desires -lost in the moment, thinking of nothing else.
Whether you wind up finding your passion in empowering teens, saving the rain forests, or teaching yoga, your engagement in the activities you love will enhance every aspect of your life.
Four steps in your journey of self-revelation
Stop One: Make Space
The first stop in identifying your passion requires you to make room in your life for the journey. Adding this process to an already full plate won't work. You'll need to become passionate about your self-care, slowing down and creating space in your calendar for inward focus. If you can, leave work at a reasonable hour and limit social engagements for a while. Passion originates in the heart. By focusing on yourself, you'll restore the connection between head and heart, thereby improving your ability to feel -- a necessary ingredient for experiencing your joy.
Stop Two: Explore
Hidden throughout your daily life lie the clues to those ideas, activities, and dreams that matter most to your soul. These exercises will help identify activities that make you feel excited, enthusiastic, or moved. As you go through the process, keep detailed notes of your discoveries in a journal or notebook. Commit to completing one exercise each week. See your reflection in others. Our interactions with others provide us with valuable insight into those things we may feel passionate about. In addition to your circle of friends, families, and coworkers, consider respected authors, teachers, and public officials. What about them do you admire or envy? Are they engaged in something you'd like to be doing? Make a list of five people and, for each one, write down what they're doing that you'd like to do.
Explore. Inside your home you'll find symbols of your passion. Note the stone you saved from a camping trip, or the ceramic pot you made with a dear friend. Schedule some alone time to catalog the treasured keepsakes. Check drawers, the basement, and boxes in the garage. List important items in your journal along with a line about why each is important.
Start looking for clues, beginning with your bookcase. What kind of books are you stocked with? Make a list of your favorite genres and titles.
As you continue the process, pay attention to those activities you do every day, the ones that come naturally without much thought. Remember, sometimes what we love the most lives right under our nose.
Stop Three: Find the Gem
It's time to pull it all together to see what you've learned about yourself. This will prepare you to take steps to express your passion in daily life. Set aside an afternoon to read through your journal entries. You'll find the process quite revealing. Ask yourself: What themes or patterns do I notice? What topics am I consistently drawn to? You might be surprised by what you will find.
Stop Four: Take Action
You can NOW bring your passions to life. Pick one area of interest from your various discoveries above and develop an action plan to explore it further. You may find yourself going back to a long-lost interest you shelved years ago as you got busy with other things. Or your area of passion may bring you to unexplored territory. Don't be afraid to try something new. If this is truly your passion, the risk will be worth it. Remember, it's more important to act now than to plot out a "perfect" course. Perfection doesn't exist when it comes to passion. Just choose one thing that makes you feel special and act on it, whether you think you'll be good at it or not.
The idea is to get started so you can see where this next phase of the journey leads you.
As you begin to express those things that stimulate and inspire you, keep in mind that it doesn't just serve your best interests to engage in passionate activity. Your efforts ultimately affect us all. By living your joy, you bring your greatest self to the world.
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